G-mere

Last night, after an amazing home cooked Italian dinner, Grand-mere has something to share with her family...

"I'm sure you all have been wondering what I have in my big ol' tote bag here, and I won't keep you in suspense any longer."

Although we all might have been wondering what was indeed there, none of really needed to know. Last time she pulled out refridgerator magnets from Pizza Hut and expected a big reception, this is typical Grand-mere.

"Well, here I have a baaaaaby blue bathrobe to match my beautiful blue eyes!" She squeals with delight at her own compliment, and bats her non-existant eyelashes to show off her sapphire irises. "My darling daughter Cecile bought it for me for Christmas!" Aunt Cis nods and smiles to receive her credit.

"Now, here I have a fanel night gown with a BLUE floral print, which just so happens to match my beautiful BLooooou eyes, which was a gift from my wonderful first born daughter Stella." Although Aunt Stella is not there, she is granted a raising of glasses as to bestow credit while Grandmere picks up the cuff of the gown to show off its lace trim.

"Now, finally I have a pair of little booties, which are also blue, tat TAT tat! These were part of a gift from my ninth little kiddy, Vickie Doodle!" She swings the esemble around her body so we can admire how nicely she paired everything together and my mother smiles receiving her credit. We smile and wait for the rest of the story, because with Granmere, there is ALWAYS more.

"So, since I'm going back to my house tonight, ya'll know I'm not sleeping here in this. Non, non! Can you guess what this is for?!" She points a little crooked pinkie finger at my Aunt Cis, who was looking quite amused, "Cissy, you look like you guessed! What is it!?!"

"It's your funeral outfit, Ma."

Grandmere squeals with delight that someone deduced her scheme. "Yes, when my time comes I want to laid out in this. Nothing fancy. Just stick me in a pine box and shut the lid, thank you!" She hands the outfit over to Aunt Cecile, who displays in on the door jam. "You may wash if you like before my burial."

"Hey, Grand-mere," I ask, "Do you want to wear a bra in your box?"

"Oh Goooooooood no, honey, do you think I'm crazy?"

The answer would be yes, but this is G-mere, and she has a walking cane with a red cardinal on the handle, she steals my cousin's boxer briefs for herself, she keeps a thousand bucks in a gold-toe sock in her pantry, and she speaks Quebecquois. I don't mess with that.

This morning my Aunt Cis discovered a bottle of champagne that SHOULD have been opened last night, but Grandmere needed to be cut off, so it remained chilling. Not wanting to waste another second, my mother suggested mimosas, which we all promptly started and finished by seven thirty before it was time for coffee and wished Grandmere a long life.

This is my family, good times.